while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
