I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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