I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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