I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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