Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The Olympian is in my bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
