barbara walters just said penis...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize