i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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