I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
