omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
