I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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