I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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