I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
