Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
