Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So much rum. So many feels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
