I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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