I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
