I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
