i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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