I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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