It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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