All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
