The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
