The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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