I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
