forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize