what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
