The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
