This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
