Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
