I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
