i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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