What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
