On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
