Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
