Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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