Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
