you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
