I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
