belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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