It's Friday. Sex?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
