we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
