I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
