if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
