I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
