As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
