Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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