Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't put those talents on a resume
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
