You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
