If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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