Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
