I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
