So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Pooping to opera.
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