you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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