you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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