I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize