everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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