oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize