I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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