"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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