not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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