Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
