i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
