dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
