I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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