we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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