super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize