dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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