Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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