My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
