so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pants are for mortals
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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