WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
