I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
