everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
