Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
