does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
