If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
