Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't turn off my feet"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
