shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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