Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
