I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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