Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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