I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize