Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
