redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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