i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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