I'm so fucking centered right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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