phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
