hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How does it feel to date your dad?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
