I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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