i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
