you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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