Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
