North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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