my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
