you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
