did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
