This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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